Baby Blue
by ImagineRie
Summary: This is a story about what happens next for Clare and Eli after Clare's graduation. Read it guys, read it. (:
1. Chapter 1

"Eli, I can't do this anymore." Those words replayed in my head over and over, there was no escaping it. Just like the first time we tried long distance, we failed, miserably. Clare said we could do it, she said she just needed to find herself, and we both agreed we'd make it through. I felt like we truly were doing great for how far apart we were, but somehow I'm sitting here, alone again after only one summer apart from Clare. Since her phone call yesterday all I've been able to do is roll out of my bed to go to the restroom, anything other than that, including eating, has been too much of a struggle. Curled up in a ball going through my photo album, I paused on a picture of Clare and I holding an "It's a boy" onesie. In the picture I could see her stomach staring to stick out a little, and it caused a lump to form in my throat. If our son had been born, everything would be different, better. Holding onto the future we could have had, was all I had now. Just as I made myself tear my eyes away from the picture, there was a knock at my door. I pulled my cover over my head, I didn't want anyone to see me this way. My hair was shaggy, my eyes were swollen, and I was wearing batman pajamas. I put a pillow over my ear to drown out the noise of the knocking, but the person behind the door was persistant, and the pillow could only do so much. My bedroom was to the right of the front door, so the person knocking was in hearing distance of me.

"GO AWAY, I AM NOT HOME." There were about five seconds of silence before the knocking began again, even louder than before. I threw the cover off of me in a rage, and ran to the front door. I assumed it was was my neighbor Gill, he always bothered me wanting to play video games, he was a persistant 10 year old. I swung the door open, "Gill not tod-" I sucked in air, and grabbed onto the door for support, it was her. My whole being reacted to her presence, just the sight of her brought a little life back into me, it was like giving water to a dying flower. She stood in front of me with a two suitcase's on the floor, each one beside both of her feet. She had tears running down her cheeks, but a delirious smile on her face. She wore blue jeans, and and a black t-shirt that said MILK, and her hair was pulled up into a small ponytail.

"I'm sorry if you were expecting a Gill, but it's just me."

I ran my hand through my hair and stepped back, giving her room to come in. She grabbed her bags and walked inside while I shut the door. My head was spinning, and all I could think about was how much I wanted to kiss her, but I couldn't. I needed to know what was going on, I couldn't keep playing these games. "What are you doing here, I thought, well you said you couldn't do this anymore, and then you hung up before I could even ask why. I can't keep going through this emotional roller coaster Clare, it's killing me trying to figure out what you want."

Clare walked a few feet over and sat on my couch, she patted the spot next to her, but I kept my gaurd up and sat on the love seat across from her. "Ah, keeping your distance? Well you want an answer Eli, that's your answer right there, the distance between us. When I said I couldn't do it anymore I meant it, being away from you this summer has been so hard. Yesterday when we got off the phone the first thing I did was start packing. After my graduation I had wanted to find me, but instead I realized I'm not ever going to be me, not without you. I'm here to stay, if you'll still have me. In truth it was irrational to call you like that yesterday, and then hang up with no explanation, and I'm sorry. Please don't be mad, I was trying to be romantic, but I guess I should leave that up to you from now on."

Clare stared at me, waiting for a response with a scared look on her face. I stood up and grabbed her hand, pulling her up so that we were only inches apart. Once we locked eyes Clare looked away, and I turned her head back towards me, holding her face in my hands. "Don't ever question weather I want you, I always want you." I crushed my lips to hers, and everything felt better again, in one second Clare could alter my entire mood, my entire world. She pulled away laughing, "Whats so funny Edwards?"

"Batman?"

"Ha ha, very funny." My face dropped when I thought of the reason I was still in my batman pajamas in the first place. "I've had a rough day. I thought things were over, like before, with the whole Drew thing."

Clare wrapped her arms around my waist, and gave me a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry Eli, I didn't mean to scare you, but I had hoped you would have known that this time is different. We're different, we've gone through so much, lost so..."

Clares words trailed off, and her eyes became glossy. "I miss him too, all the time. He would want us to keep moving forwards Clare, so let's do it. Let's move forward, let's make our son proud, because you know he's watching us."

Clare's smile became more genuine, "You believe that, Eli?"

I pulled Clare into a hug, "I know that."

"So, what's next Goldsworthy? Should I start unpacking?"

"Before you do that, I want you to really think about this for a second. Toronto is your home, are you really ready to just leave everything behind?"

Clare sat back down, but kept eye contact with me, "I don't know Eli, but I know that anything is better than being away from you. I can't do that anymore, I won't."

I knelt down in front of Clare, taking her hands in mine. "Here's what I want, I want you to stay here with me until I finish school, and when that's over I promise you I'm going to take you back home."

"Eli no, you love it here. There are so many more film opportunities for you, I don't want to be the reason your dreams don't come true."

"You are my dream Clare, you're my everything, you always have been. There will be plenty of job's in Canada for me, besides Toronto is my home too. So what do you say, does that sound like a plan blue eyes?"

Clare brought my hand up to her lips, kissing my knuckles. "Elijah, wherever you're at, I'm at."

 **It is with great sadness that I announce this will be my last story, but I WILL finish my other stories don't worry, and not necessarily soon, they still have a ways to go! Also, I'm having trouble seeing how many people are viewing my stories/chapters. I don't know what went wrong, but when I try to look it says error. So, I'd really appreciate if every now and then on any of my stories that you guys reviewed to let me know someone is still reading, because really my only motivation to write anything is you guys. Oh, and another thing, If you want to add me on Twitter please private message me and I'll give you my name :) last but not least...I DO NOT OWN DEGRASSI**


	2. Chapter 2

"Day three, and I think we've actually run out of things to do. How is that possible, we're in New York."

I ly on the couch holding Clare in my arms, the first three days together in New York had been nothing less than perfect. "Well, there is something we haven't done yet."

Clare's curiosity peeked, "Oh, and what is that?"

"Meet my friends. There's a party tonight, would you like to go with me?" Clare wiggled out of my arms, and scooted a few inches from me. "What's wrong? We don't have to, I just thought since they haven't met the famous Clare yet, that this would be a good way to break the ice. We can stay home, as long as we're together I don't care what we do Clare."

Clare scrunched her nose, "No, we can go, I want to go."

I rolled my eyes, "Then what is it? Tell me."

"It's just, I'm sure they have formed an opinion of me already, and considering some of the things I've done, they may be negative opinions." Clare's face was plagued with worry.

"Clare, they don't know you, and if anyone ever said anything negative about you, well let's just say they would no longer be a friend of mine."

She crossed her arms in a pouting manner, "Ok, what about her, Lenore?"

I stood up from the couch, starting to feel myself panic, I walked to the front door and leaned my back up against it. It hadn't crossed my mind until now that Clare and Lenore would have to meet. "What about her?"

Clare raised an eye brow, "Look at you, you're over there practically sweating you're so nervous. You know what I mean, is she going to be there?"

Pouting I mumbled my words, "Like I would know that Clare."

Clare looked down at the floor and began to twiddle with her thumbs, "I don't know, would you?"

"No, no I wouldn't Clare." I walked back over to the couch, taking Clare's hand in mine. "You know there's only one girl for me, for the rest of my life, and that's you."

"I know, it's just, she's the reason that so many bad things happened between you and I. She set a chain of terrible events in motion, and I don't know how I'm going to react when I see her."

"I'm sorry, ill always be sorry for what happened. Whatever you want to do, we'll do."

Clare stood up and walked to our bedroom door, before shutting it on me she turned around flashing me a weak smile. "Eli Goldsworthy, get ready to show me off." A smile spread across my face as she shut the door. I dozed off after a few minutes, and then an hour later I was woken up by the sound of Clare calling my name. "Elijah, wake up." I opened my eyes and Clare was standing in front of me with a shy grin. Her hair was waved just past her shoulders, and she wore a black dress with black heels. I momentarily noticed her eyebrows, if Alli had been there she would have said they were "on fleek."

"Well, stop staring and say something. What do you think? Do I look like a New Yorker?"

I walked towards her, and wrapped my arms around her waist. "We aren't going, no way am I going to let you out out in public looking so amazing."

Clare giggled and kissed me on the cheek, "Let's go, it's already 9."

We arrived to the party a few minutes later and I parked the car, I could see Clare was nervous. "We don't have to go in, we can turn around Edwards."

clare shook her head, "No. I can do this. Just maybe you can give me a little information on everyone, so I know what I'm walking in to."

I scratched my head unsure of how to describe my friends, "Well, my two best buddies are Christian and Todd. Christian is the one throwing the party, he always throws them, he's a bit of a wild one. Todd is the inappropriate but funny one, and he's totally gay. They are really excited to finally meet you, so they might be a little over bearing."

Clare clapped her hands together in determination. "I can handle that, ok let's go." She opened her door, and I followed her lead opening mine. We went entered the party hand in hand, it felt good to have her with me again, rather than in another country. The music was blaring and there were people everywhere, so I decided to lead Clare to the back yard where things were more calm. She still looked nervous so I squeezed her hand, and threw my arms over her shoulders. I was going to suggest to her that we go home again, but Christian appeared in front of us before I could.

He stood in front of us in a black polo with blue jeans, and his blonde hair was spiked at the front "So this is _her_? Now I see why you spent so much time crying over her." Clare looked down in embarrassment, and I could see Christians face twist in regret for his comment.

I gave him a warning look, "Clare has decided to stay here with me until I finish school, I thought it would be nice to introduce her to my friends."

Christian shook off the awkwardness and stuck out his hand for Clare to shake, and she accepted "it's nice to meet you Ms. Edwards, I'm Christian, Eli's best New York friend."

Clare smiled. "I'm Clare, Eli's on and off again soul mate."

Christian laughed, and I was silently glad he took to her humor, because a lot of people didn't. "Well I'm glad you two are on, Eli is always a drag when you two are off. Welcome to New York, enjoy yourself. I'll catch up with you two later, the ladies are calling for me." Christian gave me a quick hug before running off to catch his next prize.

I waited until Christian was out of sight to speak. "So, that wasn't so bad, was it?" The nervous feelong I had went away as soon as Clare hugged me. "What's this for?"

"For making you cry, I'm sorry. I love you. I love you. I love you. I was horrible with the whole Drew mess, you didn't deserve any of that."

I pulled away, slightly annoyed by the mention of his name. "I don't want to talk about that, it's in the past, besides I messed up too. Let's enjoy the present, ok?"

Before Clare could respond, Tood made his presence known. "Eli!" Todd jumped in the air clapping with excitement. He worse black leather pants, and a black netted shirt, with his black hair combed over to the side. "Is this doll the hot tamely you never shut up about? If not, you should totally ditch that Clare for this dime."

Todd winked and Clare blushed sticking out her hand, "Hi I'm Clare Edwards."

Todd pulled her into hug, "It is so good to meet you!" He pulled away smiling ear to ear. "You look ravishing, if I was a straight man our Eli would have something to worry about."

I jokingly put my hand out to keep the distance between them, "Watch out Todd, I'm the jealous type."

Todd rolled his eyes, "Oh whatever Eli. Anyways, How long are you in town Clare?"

I looked at Clare and smiled, "She's here as long as I'm here."

Todd's eyes widened, "Wow, that's so great and unexpected." Todd's face fell a little and he put a hand on Clares shoulder. "You know what though, I completely understand you needing to attach yourself to Eli after such a hard time in your life, I'm sorry for you loss Clare. If it helps I'm like devastated too, I spent so much money on baby stuff for you two, and I lost the recites, so we both took a loss sweetheart, you are def not alone."

My mouth dropped, and Clare looked at me with glossy eyes, and a pained expression. She walked away from Todd and I with tears in her eyes. I turned to Todd and pushed him, "What the hell man? Why would you say something so inconsiderate, do you have no heart, no brain? You're my best friend, or supposed to be, so why would you do something like that?"

"Eli I didn't mean to, I'm not good with this stuff I was just trying to let her know I'm sorry."

I u clenched my fist, because I know he really didn't mean to. "I know, it's just, Clare isn't used to your 'personality' yet, so she probably didn't understand your intentions were good. Just think next time before you speak Todd, I'll go talk to her." I walked around for a few minutes until I found Clare by the pool standing alone. "I'm sorry, he just doesn't have a filter."

Clare wiped a tear away, while smiling. "It's ok, I could tell, it wasn't him, really. It was just thinking about Adam, he would be with us right now, isn't that crazy?"

I had to hold back my tears, "It is, we'd be at home in Canada with him right now."

Clare put her head on my shoulder, "He was half you, half me, and now he's just gone. Will I ever get over this Eli?"

I held Clare a little tighter, "I know I won't, but in time maybe it won't hurt as bad."

Clare put a hand on my cheek, and began to rub it with her thumb, "Is it crazy to say that in those few moments we got to hold him after the procedure, that I thought he looked like you?"

I let me tears finally fall, "No, I thought so too. His little nose and ears were shaped just like mine, at least that's what I thought anyway. He was so small, so beautiful, I'll never forget."

Clare grabbed my hand and started walking us back towards the crowd, "No more of this right now, let's enjoy our night. Please? I can't spend another moment thinking about this, or I'll go insane."

I wiped a tear away and smiled, "Ok, let's enjoy the night." Clare and I walked back inside, and Todd and Christian motioned for us to sit down at the table with them. We sat down, and Todd couldn't ignore the tension, and threw his hands in the air. "I am so sorry Clare! Can we just play drinking games and forget that whole messy tiff we just had about the dead baby Goldsworthy."

I Was ready to attack Todd from across the table, but Clare grabbed on to my arm holding me back. "Of course, thank you for your apology Todd. Shall we play?" It amazed me how selfless Clare could be, how forgiving, and how understanding. I kissed on her on the cheek while smiling, and then I heard a gasp from Todd as Lenore sat down across from us.

Todd bit his lip, "Oh hunty, it is about to get real up in here."

I kicked him under the table, ignoring Lenore's presence. "So, is everyone ready to play?"

Christian put his bottle of Vodka on the table, "Of course, but don't you want to introduce our friend Lenore to Clare?" I gave him a hard stare, he was always trying to egg things on.

Clare saved me from saying something I'd regret to Christian and took the initiative of introducing herself, "Hello, I'm Clare Edwards, Eli's girlfriend."

Lenore raised an eye brow, "So I've heard, its a Pleasure."

Todd nervously laughed, trying to break the tension "So, waterfall everyone?"

We played until the sun started to come up, and Clare was waisted by the time we left. I played drinking water, because I had to drive home, Clare could never handle alcohol. As I carried her into our room at about 6 in the morning, I silently scolded myself for letting her get so drunk. I set her down on our bed and put the covers over both of us, as soon as I closed my eyes she began to speak, slurring every other word.

"Oh Eli, I'm drunk."

I laughed, "I know, you got a little out of control tonight. You thought Todd was Alli, and Christian was Jenna."

Clare groaned, "I bet they hate me."

I put my arm over Clare and pulled her closer to me. "No one could ever hate you. They thought you were funny."

"Lenore didn't like me, she picked me to drink every chance she could. She couldn't take her eyes off you either, it was pathetic."

I frowned, "I hadn't noticed, I'm sorry Clare."

Clare turned her body around so that we were chest to chest, and poked my nose"I know you didn't, because your eyes were on me, that's how I know this is going to work. Cause you love me, and I love you, no doubt about it."

I kissed her head, and we both drifted off to sleep, ready for the future."

 **To the two guests that reviewed thank you so much, I'm glad to know you are reading and enjoying. i wish you had names so I could address the both of you personally! I too wished there would have been a bit more to the finale, but I am satisfied that Eli and Clare ended up together, and that the creators of the show even tweeted that Eli and Clare WERE endgame if anyone had been confused. :))**


	3. Chapter 3

I looked around at the last few box's full of pictures of the memories Clare and I made this last year in New York, and I felt a sense of Sadness come over me.

Clare came through out front door with her hands on her hips, "Eli are you ready to go, why are these box's not in the truck?"

I picked the last few box's up, and walked past her and outside to the moving truck. I loaded them into the truck, and then began to walk to the car when Clare tugged on my arm. "Eli, you're upset, talk to me about it, holding it inside will only make things worse."

I furrowed my eye brows together in frustration, "Clare you know I don't like talking about things, for me it's just better to leave things alone."

"That's never worked in the past, and you know it, please Eli."

I groaned in annoyance. "Fine, I'll talk. I couldn't be more happy to be done with school, and to be starting our future together, but New York has been my home for a few years now, and leaving my friends and everything is hard. In Canada you always excelled, but here Is where I got to shine, and it's hard to walk away from that."

Clare's face tensed up, and she took a step away from me. "We don't have to go back Eli, if this is where you want to be, we can stay."

I grabbed Clare's hand and began walking her towards the car. "No, we're going, besides Todd would be so mad if he knew he threw a going away party for nothing."

We reached the car and Clare frowned in concern. "I'm serious."

Kissing her forehead, I tried to convince her, and myself, that I was ok with this. "I'm fine, it's really fine. I promised you we'd go back home, and Im never going to break another promise to you again. You left your friends for me, it's my turn to give them back to you. It's about give and take, and I know you miss Alli, and your family, it's time to back. It's really fine, ok? I love you."

Clare smiled, "So, we're really going back to Toronto right now?"

I pulled her into a hug, "We are, now let's get going the driver's waiting on us to take off."

The drive back to Canada was amazing, we sang at the top of our lungs, and we laughed until we cried, but in the back of my mind I couldn't stop thinking about everything I was leaving behind in New York. I was giving up the opportunity to be a big time director someday for a job at Degrassi, and I was leaving my friends behind. The only person I would have really missed from Toronto was Adam Torres, but I'd never see him again, no matter where I lived.

As we finally entered Toronto, Clare slammed her hand down on the dash board. "Elijah Goldsworthy pull over now."

My eyes widened, "Clare the drivers already at our apartment, we can't just stop."

"I said stop!"

I quickly pulled the car over at the Dot, it was so strange to be in front of it again. "What is your problem Clare?"

"You. I know you, and I can see that something is still bothering you."

I sighed, giving in. "Ok, you got me, I'm still not thrilled about this move, I can't stop thinking about it."

Clare's face fell, "I told you, we didn't have to go."

"No, that's just it, we did. You would grow to resent me if we stayed, and I can't live in a world where you're unhappy."

"The same thing is going to happen if we stay here, except you'll be the one resenting me, I don't want you to hate your life here Eli. What do we do?"

For a minute I thought about suggesting she stay, and I go back, maybe do long distance again, but I immediately realized that would never work. It wouldn't work because I wouldn't be with Clare, and that's all I've ever really needed to be happy, in the grand scheme of things location didn't matter. I reached an arm across the middle console and tucked a strand of hair behind Clare's ear, "I'm being a fool, it doesn't matter where We live, and I'm serious this time, as long as we're together I'm ok. Besides, I'm kind of excited to be in charge of Theatre at Degrassi now that I think about it, I could help kids who are just like I was in high school become amazing actors and writers. Then there's the plus side of my parents being close, and you know maybe Imogine and I can catch up. Things are going to be great. As long as you're by my side, I love you."

"You're not just saying all of that, you're serious? You can't lie, you promised you wouldn't lie to me ever again, so swear you're ok with this Goldsworthy."

I laughed, "I swear that I Wouldn't care if we moved to Hell, as long as we were roomies, I'd be solid."

Clare's smile reappeared, "You're so dumb, ok, let's do this then." I turned the car off, and got out to open Clare's door. "Eli what are you doing?"

"Get out. The driver can start without us, he has a key, and besides we deserve a break to drink coffee from the ffamous Dott."

Clare stepped out grabbing my hand, "It's like you can read my mind sometimes."

Walking inside I laughed, "No, I just know you, you're a coffe addict, and you love this place."

Clare looked around with a nostalgic look, "You know I do, this place is part of what makes home, home." I kissed the top of her head, and then someone called her name.

"Clare?" I turned around, and it was Drew Torres in our path. I stood still, I didn't know how to act around him before we left, and that much hadn't changed. I still felt a burning hate inside for him.

Clare nervously responded, "Drew, hello, how are you?"

Drew flashed a wide grin, "Great, what are you doing back in town?"

I took the moment to intervene, while still keeping my cool. "We are back because I finished school, and we have a lot to do, so we should get going."

To my annoyance Drew kept his eyes on Clare, ignoring me. "Well, if you need anything I'm always here to help Edwards. I'm glad you're back, Canada had a rough year without you."

Drew walked away from us, and I pulled Clare outside and back in to the car. I started to drive and Clare crossed her arms, obviously irritated with me. "What happened to coffee?"

I kept my eyes on the road, and my face from showing any emotion. "Drew took up our coffee time."

Clare rolled her eyes, "He literally said two sentences to us, you're being jealous." I turned the music up, and then Clare quickly turned it back down. "Stop it, you're acting,-"

I intervened in anger, "What, crazy? Or were you going to say bipolar?"

Clares face turned guilty, "No, of course not, it's just I don't know why you have to get that way. I spent a year being polite to Lenore for you, and you can't handle being in the same building as Drew long enough for me to drink my stupid coffee."

"Because Clare, what if Lenore had thought she was pregnant with my kid, but then later found out it wasn't mine? That situation was so much harder on me than you could imagine, it's even worse that we lost the baby, because each moment that I thought he wasn't mine was lost time with you and our son. I'll never get those days back, and it's because of him." My hands were clutching the steering wheel, and I really was beginning to feel like I was having a bipolar episode.

Clare's eyes became glossy, "I would of gone crazy, I probably wouldn't have been able to get over it. I'm sorry Eli, I didn't want today to go this way, I should be more understanding to your feelings when it comes to Drew. I want you to know that I don't think you're crazy, I love you."

I pulled a hand off of the steering wheel and grabbed Clare's hand, intertwining our fingers "Neither did I, so let's forget about all of that right now. I love you too, We're back in Canada, starting our life together, and everything's going to be perfect. As long as we're together, nothing's going to get in our way of the future we've always wanted."

 **Yes at some point they will have a "night in" and I will warn you guys when that is coming for sure. Thanks for your kind reviews, they are always so appreciated. I try my best to keep these two IN CHARACTER. So if I'm ever straying from that, let me know :) p.s. if you guys ever want to see something happen, unless I completely hate the idea, your wish is usually my command.**


	4. Chapter 4

"Eli, come on..." Clare stood in front of me tapping her foot, with her hands on her hips.

"Clare I don't wanna!" I stomped my foot as we stood outside of Clare's fathers house. Instead of finishing unpacking, our first night back was going to be spent having dinner with Clare's dad, a guy I didn't care too much for.

"Oh my goodness, can you be anymore childish and irrational? It's just dinner, my father doesn't know you very well, it's important to me that you two get along."

I smirked thinking about the first time I met Mr. Edwards, "Coming from the girl who sabotaged my first meeting with him?"

Clare's cheeks turned pink, "I was a child, I didn't know any better. Besides, that isn't the point Eli."

Aggravated again, I crossed my arms. "I just don't know why it's so important, You and your dad don't talk hardly at all, so why should my relationship with him matter? Besides, you know how I feel about the way he's been towards you since your parents divorce, he isn't my favorite guy right now."

Clare looked at me, searching for the right words. "You say you want to be with me always, so does that mean you want to marry me someday?"

My eyes widened, I had never heard Clare talk about marriage before, not seriously anyway. I closed the distance between us so that we were only inches apart. "Of course."

Clares face relaxed a little at my answer, "Well, I'm traditional. I won't marry you unless my father says that you have his blessing to ask me, so I need him to like you."

I immediately stepped back and bent over in laughter. "Are you kidding Clare?" As I kept laughing I noticed Clare's face become red with anger, and I stood up straight again pressing my lips together to keep the laughter in. "Oh my god, you're serious." I put my hands up in surrender, "I'm sorry, I'll be a good boy. We'll go inside, and I'll make the best impression any boyfriends ever made on a father."

"All I ask is that you try." Clare kissed me on the cheek, and put her hand on the door knob. Before she turned it open, I grabbed her arm, and she turned her head back to look at me. "What is it now Eli?"

"I just wanted you to know that I'm trying because, and only because, I _am_ going to marry you one day Clare Diana Edwards." Clare's face softened into a small smile, and I let go of her arm. We entered the house and it was dim inside with all maroon walls, and classical music playing quietly in the background. Clare and I walked through the living room, and I glanced at all the pictures on the wall. They were all of Clare and Darcy, but none of the pictures were even remotely recent of them. It pained my heart thinking about how much Clare's relationship with her father had been strained. As we exited the living room, we entered the kitchen. Glenn was already seated at the table, and our food was neatly placed on our plates.

When Clare met eyes with her dad her face lit up, and it made me think of the girl I met all those years ago, when I ran over her glasses. "Dad it's so good to see you!" Clare hugged Glenn, and we both sat down.

I sat down next the Randall, and put my hand out for him to shake. "It's good to see you again as well Mr. Edwards."

Randall stared at me coldly, but put his hand out to shake mine as well. After he released me from his tight grip, he looked back to Clare. "It's nice to have the both of you here, even though you are 10 minutes late. Tell me, what kept you two? I know my clare bear is always punctual, something must have come up for you right, Eli?"

I nervously coughed, "Uh, yes sir, I was busy preparing for my first day of work."

Randall's face brightened, "So you have a job? How wonderful. What will you be doing?"

I relaxed at Randall's obvious approval that I was working, "I'm going to be the new theater teacher at Degrassi, I'm really excited. I spent so much time at school in New York so that I could have a stable job, and it feels really good to have one Sir."

Randall's face fell back into a straight line, "You kept my daughter away from me all this time so that you could go to a big New York school, only to end up teaching at Degrassi?"

Clare dropped her fork, "Dad!"

I raised my hand up to stop her, "No it's fine, Clare. Your father just missed you while we were gone, and he wants you to have a secure life."

Randall crossed his arms, "I'm glad you understand Eli, my daughter can't live off of that kind of salary."

"With all do respect sir, Clare is getting her own job, but until then I am going to be making enough to take care of her. She's in good hands, you don't have to worry about that. "

Mr. Edwards stayed quiet, and Clare gave me an apologetic look from across the table. "So dad, now that I'm back you'll be seeing me back at church, isn't that exciting?"

Mr. Edwards patted Clare's hand, and tilted his head. "Oh honey that would be great, I didn't know you were still able to openly practice your faith, everyone will be so happy to see you back."

Clare's face fell. "What? Why would you say that?"

Randall raised his eye brows while poking at his steak."Oh it's just, you _are_ dating a non believer, I thought he may have had an issue with your faith."

I clenched my fist, "You know what, you're not going to hurt Clare like this, not in front of me. For your information I let her think and believe in whatever she wants to, and if you had been around during the loss of our child, you'd know I myself have had a change of heart about that kind of stuff."

Randall stood up in anger, pointing his finger at me. "Young man, you will not speak to me in my house like this, about MY daughter. I wasn't around for damn good reasons!"

Clare began to tear up, "Guy's stop it, please!"

I was so angry, Clare's words barley registered in my mind. "Oh please do tell, what's your great excuse sir?"

Glenn sat back down slowly and hesitantly, putting his head in his hands whispering, "It was a sin, that child" repeatedly.

Now I was the one standing, with my fists balled up in anger. "What did you say?"

Glen looked back up at me, with glossy eyes. "You two were not married, therefore God took the fetus, because you created it in unwed intercourse." Glenn stood up again, and put a hand on Clare's shoulder. "Baby I'm sorry you went through that, but you know there are consequences for our sins. You wore that purity ring for a reason, try to remember what it was. Leave this vile man who has corrupted you, and move back in with me, please. Since my recent divorce, the house is lonely, and I miss you. I want my Clare back."

Clare pushed his hand off of her shoulder. Tears were streaming down her face, but she looked as fierce as ever. "How dare you, how dare you say my son was taken from me because he was created from sin, and that I somehow had to be punished for it! I love Eli, and our SON, not the fetus, was created from love, not sin! Eli and I are getting married dad, so you better get used to it."

My head shot up, and Clare was staring at me, silently begging for me to go along with her recent statement. I stood up as well, and walked over to Clare, holding her hand. "It's true sir, we're getting married."

Glens face became beat red. "You didn't even ask my permission, Clare you are just wallowing in sin now, with no end in sight. You are an Edwards, not a kardashian, so stop acting like one."

Clare hysterically laughed, "And what will my punishment be for marrying Eli without your blessing. Will my cancer come back, is that fair punishment? Come to think of it, you weren't around for that either, were you?" Glenn's eyes became glossy again, and he took a step back.

"I pray that, that isn't the way God chooses to repremand you Clare bear. I think it's time you two go, I don't know how to help you right now sweetheart. I'll call you another day, and we can talk more about things privately." Clare shook her head and ran out of the house, leaving me alone with him. "Eli, before you kindly exit my home, I'd like you to think about something for a moment. I'm honestly trying to do what's best for my daughter by steering her from you, if you love her you'd leave. Clare has always been a child of God, and over the years you've only led her down an ungodly path."

I slammed my fist on the table. "I have never done anything but support Clare, and anything she's wanted to do!"

"You got her pregnant, the Clare I knew would have never let that happen!"

I sarcastically laughed, "The Clare you knew was 15, you left her a long time ago. You haven't been there to see her grow and mature into the amazing person she is today, so you have no right to be saying any of this, or passing any judgement on her. If YOU loved Clare, she wouldn't be outside crying right now. Thanks for the food, I won't be seeing you around Randall." I walked out of the house to find Clare sitting on the steps, with her head in her hands. "Clare, I'm sorry, I should have kept my cool. I ruined tonight, and I understand if you never forgive me for it."

I sat beside Clare, and she lifted her head up with red puffy eyes. "No, it's his fault. Eli he said the baby died so that I would be punished, how could he say that?" Clare threw her arms around me, and I wrapped mine around her, trying to squeeze away her pain.

"Our baby was a miracle, and your father is wrong. I'm sorry he hasn't been here the way he should be, but I promise you you'll always have me. I'll never leave you."

Clare pulled away laughing as she wiped away her tears, "My dad thinks we're getting married Eli."

I looked down nervous, "Yeah, you surprised me with that one. Is it bad that I wish it wasn't a lie?"

Clare raised an eye brow, "Eli, you know I'm not ready for that, and we've gone through a lot recently, and-"

"Clare I know, I do, really. I'm not asking, I'm just saying. When the day comes, when you're ready, I'm going to be the luckiest man in the world."

Clare put her hand on my cheek, and pulled me in for a kiss. "Let's go home, you have work tomorrow, boyfriend."

 **Omg so I know the whole site going down was stressful on all of us, but it's over now and I'm so glad! *Insert i don't own Degrassi disclaimer here.***


	5. Chapter 5

I woke up the next morning after the Dinner with Clare's father to find her gone, and a note left on her pillow.

 _"Dear Eli, I went out to have breakfast with my mother! Good luck at work today, I love you so much, I know you'll do amazing babe :)"_

I smiled at her note as I got out of bed, she made me feel like I could do anything. I quickly showered, got dressed, and ate a granola bar before heading to Degrassi. As I walked into the school, I oddly didn't feel out of place. Walking through the crowd of students I, out of habit, looked around for my friends. I quickly shook my head, remembering I was a teacher here now. I reached the theatre room, taking a deep breath before stepping inside. I walked over to the wall, admiring the poster on it of the play I did in high school, Romeo and Jules. Under it read "Directed by Eli Goldsworthy." It felt good to know that even though Mr. Simpson was gone, this hadn't been taken down.

"Reminiscing are we?"

I turned around, now face to face with Mrs. Dawes. A smile spread across my face. "Wow, how are you? It's been so long!"

"I am good Eli, I was so excited to hear you were going to be here I had to come see you. It's quite an accomplishment be teaching here after only just graduating yourself but three years ago."

"It wasn't easy but I really worked hard to finish school as early as possible, Clare wanted to come back to Canada right away."

Mrs. Dawes clapped her hands together and her eyes became watery. "So you two are still together? I am so happy to hear that, really and truly I am. You two have been through so much, and at such young age, you both deserve happiness."

I nodded, "Thank you for saying that, and for putting her in my path in the first place, I really owe you."

Mrs. Dawes shook her head, "You don't owe me a thing. I knew there was something special there, you two would have found each other with or without me."

"Either way, I appreciate the help." Mrs. Dawes smiled, and the bell rang. We said our goodbye's, and then the students started filing in. They all stood in front of me silently waiting for me to give them some kind of instruction. I awkwardly scratched my head before speaking, "Hello everyone, I'm Mr. Goldsworthy. I'm not going to bore you guys with pointless information here, I'm just going to give you the basic gist of how things are going to go. I'm going to pick a director, and then that person will pick who he wants to cast in this years play. I of course will approve everything. Anyone who is not acting, or directing, will be helping with costumes and building the props, and things of that nature. Any questions?"

A girl with red hair, who kept popping her bubble gum, raised her hand. "Like, are you the famous Eli Goldsworthy?"

I gulped, "Excuse me?"

She rolled her eyes, "You know, the one who ran around the school naked, found the dead guy, ran his car into a wall?"

I sat down on the stage, disappointed I was going to spend my first day going over those particular things. "Yes, those things are true about me, but they happened a long time ago. I guess I should have gone over a little bit about myself before we started talking about a play. I am bipolar, so I've done some questionable things before, but that in no way changes my ability to teach you guys. Does anyone else have anything they would like to ask me, before we move on?"

A blonde girl, who vaguely reminded me of Becky baker, raised her hand.

I pointed in her direction. "You, what's your name?"

"Rachel." She shyly looked down, biting her lip. "I was just wondering if all the rumors were true about you and that girl? Did you really get her through cancer? And did she really have a baby with someone else? And-"

I interrupted her, "How do you know those kind of details about me and Clare?"

Her Eyes lit up. "So it's true? It's all written in sharpie on the stalls in the girls bathroom. It's like a fairytale, except for the ending, the ending isn't really there, It just stops. It ends with her getting pregnant by someone else, then nothing. I have to know what happened next."

I gritted my teeth together, silently reminding myself to ask someone to paint the bathroom stalls "Well, you shouldn't believe everything you read, the baby was mine. Clare and I are very happy today, but that doesn't pertain to theater, or your relationship with me as a teacher." I looked away from her disappointed face, and back to the rest of the class. Sarcastically I asked, "So does anyone else have a question for me? Because I'd love to answer it." A kid in the back, with black shaggy hair like I used to wear, raised his hand, and I rolled my eyes, throwing my hands up. "Yes you, what could you possibly have to ask."

"I just wanted to know, if I could direct?" He stared at me with hopeful eyes.

My face lit up, and I clapped. "That's what I'm talking about! I like the initiative, you've got the job. As long as you listen to my instructions and do good, I see no reason why not. Everyone take notes, that's how you get an A in my class." The bell rang as everyone groaned at my decision, and yelled over it as they all walked out. "Don't groan, just focus next time class! I'll see you all tomorrow, get ready to actually work!"

The rest of the day flew by, and before I knew it I was at home. "Clare it was awful, they literally knew every detail about me. I felt like a celebrity who was being harassed by interviewers or something."

Clare snuggled up against me on the couch, "Well, you did do a lot of crazy things at Degrassi, we both did. It will get better, don't worry, you're going to teach them so much Eli, I just know it."

"I hope so." I began playing with Clare's hair, noticing she looked a little down. "Anyways, enough about me, how was your day, what did you do?"

I felt Clare's body tense up. "I ran some errands, wrote a little, had some coffee."

My eye brows furrowed in concern. "You're leaving something out, what happened today?"

Clare sighed, "Don't freak on me, but I ran into Drew today, and we had lunch."

I pulled away from Clare, "How could you do that?"

Clare looked away from me. "Eli it isn't a big deal, we just had a lot to catch up on. We used to be friends you know, I don't hate him."

My eyes widened in anger, I real eased Clare from my arms. "Do I know? Do I know? Are you fucking serious? Clare I know more than anyone how close you two were, but things happened involving him, bad things. How could you do this to me, after everything?"

Clare looked back at me, "Please stop overreacting, it was lunch."

I shook my head in confusion, "What was so important you had to catch up on Clare?"

"It just spiraled, I needed someone to talk to today ok, why can't you trust me?"

"Because you won't tell me what it is that you talked about Clare. We are supposed to be honest with each other, but you're keeping something from me. A year ago, a year ago we lost a child, and that brought us closer together than we've ever been before, yet you still can't confide In me? You have to run to drew?" I stood up grabbing my coat off the couch, and started heading for the door.

Clare tugged on my arm begging me to stay.

"Eli, please don't leave. Can you please just for one second listen to me?"

I turned back around, "What Clare! What could you possibly say that would make me feel better! What is going to make this all magically make sense?"

"Eli. Sit down, please?"

Clare motioned for me to sit back down on the couch, and I reluctantly plopped back down. "Ok, go. Explain."

Clare stood in front of me, with sad eyes. "I lost so much, so quickly, you know that. Drew, he isn't a threat to our relationship, ok? He's just someone who was there for me in a difficult time in my life, when no one else was. I didn't want to hurt you by explaining every detail of our conversation, but it was about the baby, my chemo brain, what happened between us, just everything."

"I'm still not following why you would talk to him about those things, and not me. I'm your boyfriend, I was there for your cancer, and that was our baby." I looked away from her, trying to hold back my tears.

"All of that is true, and I do talk to you about those things, but it's been just you for so long now. I need friends back in my life, and Drew, he's one of them. I need you to understand that, and to trust me when I say that that's all he is to me, ok?" I kept my head turned away from her, causing her to grab my face between her hands, and force me to face her. "Look at me, all I'm asking is that you try, for me, please."

I pulled her hands gently from my face, "Clare I don't know if I can." Her face dropped, and she took a step back. I stood up from the couch, pulling her to me, "but of course I'll try, if that's what you need. You have lost a lot, and if you need Drew in your life, who am I to take anything else from you?" I tightened my arms around her, burying my face into the crook of her neck. "You're all that matters to me Clare Edwards."

Clare ran her hand through my hair, "Eli, thank you."

 **Prisca, my most loyal fan, Thank you for your review, and your continued support and praise. I am so sorry about the names. You see what happened was I couldn't remember Clare's dad's name, I had a brain block. So, I just filled it in with Glenn, and decided to go look up the actual name later and change it. I went through and did it, and before I could go back and double check that I changed all the "Glen's" back to Randall for sure, the site went down. In the few days it was down, I guess I had forgot That I didn't go back and double check. Sorry for that! To everyone, thanks for the support so far, I wish I could directly respond to each of you. If you put a name in your review, I'd love that, so that I could respond to you each individually. Thanks to all of you, love u 4eva my little RieBee's ^.^**


	6. Chapter 6

I walked into our bedroom, and leaned against the wall watching Clare curl her hair. It was Friday and I was taking the day off to accompany her to her Dr. Appointment, I was glad it wasn't a cancer related appointment for once, that topic always made me ill. Clare looked away from the mirror, with her mouth in a flat line. "Nothing I do is working, I look like a fat sloth."

I put my hand over my heart, jokingly making a hurt expression. "Clare, how could you? You're trying to impress Dr. Nelson?"

Clare rolled her eyes, "Eli, I'm being serious. First I lost all my hair from cancer, then I got fat from being pregnant, now I'm normal again and I still can't make anything work." Clare threw herself on our bed while groaning.

"Clare get up." I reached my hand out, and she took it as I pulled her up into my arms. Her breath caught, and I pulled her closer. "You, my lady, are the most beautiful creature I've ever had the pleasure of laying my eyes on. Hair or no hair, large or small, you're gorgeous to me."

Clare wiggled out of my arms, smiling. "I could kiss you right now Goldsworthy."

I raised an eyebrow. "You should, later though. We need to be on our way to the doctor, or we'll be late."

As we walked in to the hospital I looked over at Clare, noticing she looked paler than usual. "Are they getting worse?"

She shook her head, "No actually I feel fine, no period cramps all day. It's this hospital."

My mind immediately jumped to that day, the day that changed everything. Thinking about it started to bring back the feeling of the pain I felt hearing that our baby was gone, and I wanted to leave. "We haven't been back here since then, I can't believe I didn't realize until now."

Clare squinted her eyes in sadness. "Let's just go, we don't have to be here, we're not ready. It's just stupid period cramps, I can suffer through it once a month, I'll live."

I shook my head, "No, we have to do this. This is our home again, so that means this is our local hospital again. We have to move forward, it's been a year Clare. Besides, handling you on your normal period's is hard enough, but this has been the worst week ever. You might be able to suffer through this once a month, but I can't."

Clare laughed as her cheeks turned red, "I am not that bad!"

I kissed her on the forehead, "There's that beautiful smile. And you so are that bad."

"Edwards." The nurse called Clare's name, and we both stood up, following the nurse into the back room.

On the way to the examine room we passed a pregnant woman, and I grabbed Clare's hand. "It's ok Clare, don't think about it." She locked her arm with mine, and I could feel her shaking. We entered the room, and the nurse sat down in front of a computer.

"Ms. Edwards I'm just going to ask you a few questions before Dr. Nelson comes in. Are you ok with this gentleman being in the room while I ask such questions?"

Clare nodded, "Yes, this is my boyfriend Eli."

The nurse smiled at me, "Ok let's proceed then. When was your last menstrual cycle Ms. Edwards?"

"Currently."

"Why are you here today?"

"Severe period cramps."

The nurse nodded, typing everything out on the computer. "Have you had any surgery's or procedures done to you in the last few years, and if so for what?"

Clare's face dropped, and she squeezed my arm tighter. "I had cancer, so I had a few incisions done in my chest, but no actual surgery. A year ago I also lost a child, so there was a procedure done so that I could, you know, get it out." Clare closed her eyes in pain.

I threw my arm around her, glaring at the nurse. "Are these necessary questions?"

The nurse stood up, "Yes they are, we have to know about anything that may be upsetting Clare's normal menstruation, or hormonal balance. Her body has been through a lot, so I'm sure there's a logical explanation for her severe cramps. The doctor will see you in a few minutes Clare. He's going to be doing a sonogram to check for anything that might indicate a problem."

Clare's eyes widened, "You mean like a tumor?"

The nurse kept her face neutral, "No, I mean for anything. Don't worry, I'm sure everything's fine."

The nurse shut the door, and Clare burst in to tears. "Eli it's back, I just know it!"

I kissed the side of her head, "No way Edwards, God wouldn't do that to you. Not after everything."

Clare's voice barley came out in a whisper, "That's what I thought before."

Before I could respond Dr. Nelson came in grinning ear to ear. "It's so nice to see you two, how are you both doing?"

Clare wiped her tears as I shook his hand, "Great sir."

Dr. Nelson sat on his rolling chair, "Alright Clare, lay down."

Clare hesitantly layed down, and the doctor then lifted her shirt squirting jell onto her tummy. Clare and I locked eyes and I could see that we were both feeling the same thing. We were both agonizing inside over the last time we had an ultrasound. I grabbed her hand kissing it, "I love you."

She smiled, wiping away a tear. "I love you too."

Dr. Nelson looked back and forth between Clare and I, and then the screen. I felt my heart stop, "Dr. What is it?"

He stood up from his chair, looking panicked. "Mr. Goldsworthy, I just have to consult with another Dr. for a moment." Before I could get another word in, he had run out the door leaving Clare and I alone and confused.

Clare's eyes furrowed in confusion, "Is that a normal thing for a doctor to do? He can't just leave us in here like this!" I closed my eyes, trying to keep the bad thoughts out of my head, but all I could think of was the worst.

Clare squeezed my hand, now kissing it to comfort me. "You know what? It's ok Eli, really it is. Cancer comes back sometimes, and sometimes it spreads. Mine apparently, has spread, but people go through this all the time and survive, I'll be ok." Clare smiled at me, trying to act like she wasn't scared for my sake.

I opened my eyes, wiping a tear from my cheek. "Don't pretend it's fine, not for me. You know that we can't go through this again."

Clare let go of my hand, her face turning solid. "If you want to bail, then bail, I'd understand. I lose babies, and get diagnosed with cancer frequently. I'm not exactly a good choice, am I?

I coldly laughed, "Don't be an idiot, I love you. I just mean this isn't fair. We both saw the look on his face, it's back, and it just isn't fair." I felt my throat start to close, and my eyes became glossy. "Why does God keep trying to take you from me Clare! I put faith in him, changed my beliefs, and this is what I get?"

Clare turned away, "Let's just see what we're dealing with, ok?"

I slowly nodded, frozen in my pity, and then Dr. Nelson came back in, along with another doctor. _**The**_ doctor. The doctor that discovered our baby was gone."

Clare sat up in anger, "No, no way. I don't want him in here. I'm sorry Dr. Nelson but he can't help you, it's too hard for me." Clare kept her eyes on the floor the entire time, not daring to make eye contact with Dr. Duke.

Dr. Nelson frowned, "I'm sorry Clare, hear me out. I'm not actually aloud to treat you by law right now, you see I'm not certified to deal with what's going on with you. That's why I left in such rush." When neither Clare or I said anything, Dr. Nelson's face fell in disappointment. "Well then, I'll leave you and Dr. Duke alone to talk."

Dr. Nelson closed the door and I stood up, "Can you just tell us dammit? What's wrong! He had us sitting here scared to death, and then you come in of all doctors? No offense, but seeing you makes us sick, and you'd think that you'd be a little more sensitive about it."

Dr. Duke put his hands up. "Hold on, hold on. Things have to be dealt with in a certain kind of manner. I want to help you both, if you'll let me? Please, understand that I hated giving that news to you a year ago, almost as much as you hated to hear it."

Clare layed back down, "Ok, do what you have to do. What happens next? Chemo? Radiation? Surgery?"

I glanced at Clare, "Are you sure this is ok with you?" When she nodded, I sat back down beside her, grabbing her hand again. "Ok Doc, Clare wants to know what's next. So lay it on us, we can handle it."

Dr. Duke sat on the chair and rolled over to Clare's side, squeezing the jell onto her stomach, causing Clare to flinch at the coldness. "Well, I think the next best step is to determine how far along you are. You're pregnant again Ms. Edwards. No chemo necessary I'm afraid."


	7. Chapter 7

Clare's eyes widened, "You're joking? I'm _**on**_ my period, I'm here about my _period_ , you're mistaken." Clare turned to me, "Let's go Eli, maybe we can find a hospital somewhere else, with doctors that actually know what they're doing."

I didn't know what to say to her, all I knew was that nothing was making sense. It couldn't be true, we were just starting to put our lives back together. I turned my body to face Dr. Duke, and mustered enough strength to speak. "Can you explain to us how any of this is possible, please. We just need to understand so that we can process what you're saying. It doesn't make sense."

Dr. Duke nodded in understanding, "Of course. Clare, has your period been heavy this week?"

Clare thought about it before speaking, then softly responded. "Well no."

"Don't you remember your last pregnancy, and the light bleeding you told me you experienced? This is exactly what that was, it's actually quite normal for a lot of women in their first trimester. Cramps on the other hand, that's not the best sign, but looking at your baby right now everything seems to be ok. You're only 6 weeks along, so I'm going to assign you to bed rest. Considering your history, it's the best thing we can do right now."

I finally let the doctors words sink in, and all of a sudden an electricity ran through my body. We were having a baby again, we had another chance. I stood up, and ran over to Dr. Duke throwing my arms around him. "Thank you so much Dr.!"

Dr. Duke laughed, lightly pushing me away while raising his eye brows suggestively. "Mr. Goldsworthy, it is not I who did this."

My cheeks became red, and I nervously scratched my head. "Yeah well, we were told the odd's of ever conceiving again weren't in our favor. We didn't think lightning would strike twice."

Clare threw her legs over the table, and began wiping the jell off of her stomach. "This isn't happening Eli, we're getting rid of it right now."

The Dr. And I both turned to face Clare, our mouths slightly held open in shock. I walked back around the table to Clare, "What are you talking about? We can't just get rid of _it_ , this is our _baby_ , a chance at being parents again."

Clare stood up scoffing, "I would have rather had cancer. This baby will die, there is no sense in getting excited about it."

Hearing her words caused my excitement to fly out the window, and I went into panic mode, walking back around the table to Dr. Duke. I put my hands on his shoulders, slight shaking him. "Doc tell her that's not going to happen, tell her she can't get _rid_ of anything."

Dr. Dukes mouth fell into a slight frown, as he put his hand on my shoulder. "I can't promise you anything Mr. Goldsworthy, some women have 5 miscarriages before going to full term. We don't know why they happen, and we can't predict them. What we can do is do our best to keep mom and baby healthy. I will say this, God has truly performed a miracle by allowing Clare to become pregnant again. I really would not count on, as you put it, lightning striking a third time."

I took my hands off his shoulders, turning my head to face Clare. "So this really probably is our only option at having a child of our own. Do you hear what he's saying Clare?" She only stared at my blankly.

Dr. Duke cleared his throat to break Clare and I's stare down. "The cramps are a concern though, have you two been under any resent stress? Gone through any resent changes?"

My mind jumped to my fight with Clare's dad, our argument about Drew, and my complaining about moving. I felt terrible because I was the cause of the stress, and my child was suffering for it. "We have been, we just moved back here recently and adjusting has been a little stressful."

Clare rolled her eyes, finally speaking "I can speak for myself Eli."

Dr. Duke turned his attention to Clare, now changing his expression to a happier one. "Ms. Edwards, then you tell me. Have you been a little stressed?" Clare bit her lip, nodding. "Then I see no reason for you two to worry right now, just keep the stress level down and you and baby should be ok. I see no just cause to terminate the pregnancy at this point, but it is your choice of course. I'll leave you two alone to talk, when you leave Martha will be at the counter to make your next appointment with you."

Clare nodded as he left the room, "I know the drill." The door shut, and I mentally began preparing myself to convince Clare that she would be making a huge mistake, but in the middle of my mental preparation she spoke. "Don't say whatever you're going to say, because I know Eli, I know that we are ridiculously lucky to have conceived again, especially since we weren't even trying. It's a gift from God, I should take this gift and hold onto it as tight as I can."

I sat back down on the rolling chair, clasping my hands together. "Then why won't you just be happy about this Clare."

She stood up with tears in her eyes, her chest heaving, and her hands balled into fists. I stood up as well, grabbing her wrists to keep them from shaking. "You cannot stress out Clare please calm down, you heard the doctor!"

Clare pulled her wrists from my hands in anger. "You don't get it! You don't understand Eli!" He tears wouldn't stop, and it broke my heart by each passing second to see her in such pain. "I've grown a baby already, long enough to know the gender, long enough for it to start to actually look like someone! I dreamed about our baby Eli, who he'd grow up to be, what he'd end up looking like, and in an instant he was gone. No reason, he was just gone, the baby we called a miracle GONE. I had to give birth to him, you had to watch me cry in pain as I pushed our dead son out of me!" My chest was now heaving too, and my cheeks were just as wet as hers. "The problem isn't that I'm not happy about another chance at having our baby, it's that I am so incredibly happy that it hurts! What if something happens, and it all goes away again?"

I pulled Clare into my arms, trying not to hold her too tight. "Listen to me, we went through a terrible thing, but maybe this is God giving us a break. I don't know what's going to happen Clare, but I know there is a baby growing inside of you right now, one that we made, and I know that weather you get rid of it now, or something happens later that's out of our control, we'll still be losing a baby. Why don't you just have faith that this time will be different? Why quit the race before even starting? I love you so much. I loved our son, and I will love this baby too, just give me a chance to. Please. I will be right by your side, like I always am."

Clare pulled away so that she could look into my eyes, her tears had stopped but her face still wore the same pained expression. "Why now?"

I shook my head back and forth, "I have no idea, but it's happening Clare, it's crazy, but it's still happening. Don't run away from it, take my hand, and jump with me."

Clare leaned her head on my chest, "Don't I always."

I tightened my arms around her, "So you'll give this a chance?" I kept my tone neutral, not wanting to get my hopes up.

I felt her nod against my chest, and I closed my eyes in relief. "Thank you Blue eyes."

We made our next appointment, and on our way home we stopped at the Dot to meet Alli. Clare hadn't seen her since we moved back, and she wanted her to be the first to know we were having a baby, again. As we sat down at our table waiting for her, I could see Clare begin to smile as she scrolled through her phone, and then it quickly disappeared. "What are you looking at? If it's stressing you out, then stop. You're supposed to be on bed rest right now anyways."

Clare looked up at me, forcing herself out of her frown, and into a half smile. "I'm not stressed. I'm sitting, sitting rest is close enough. I was just looking at baby stuff online, and I came across the same blanket I had bought for...our son."

I put my arm halfway across the table, grabbing onto hers. "He would have loved his blanky Clare, but I'm sure he won't mind if his little brother or sister love's it too."

Clare smiled at the thought, and we both leaned forward to kiss each other. When we pulled apart, Drew was standing in front of our table with a wide grin. "It's so nice to see you around again Clare, how are things since we had lunch? Are you settling back into town well?" I leaned back in my chair, rolling my eyes at his continued effort to ignore me. Clare smiled weakly, "We have been, Eli loves his job at Degrassi, and I'm glad I get to see my friends again. In fact we are meeting Alli here for lunch."

Drew pulled up a chair, and sat down. "Wow that's really great, we can have a mini reunion because Dallas is actually meeting me here for lunch as well. We can all eat together."

The entire time his smile never faded, and I couldn't understand how he wasn't exhausted from smiling so much. I leaned forward, resting my chin on my knuckles. "So, Alli and Dallas are eating at the same place, and neither one knew about it?"

Drew's wide smile finally faded into a half one once he realized he wouldn't be able to ignore me anymore. "No I'm not sure Dallas tells Alli everywhere he goes all day, they give each other space." I had to keep a growl from escaping my throat from his jab at My relationship with Clare. "Besides Dallas is only in town for a little while before he has to go back to Japan, Alli understands he has a lot of people to see."

"Drew this is more of a privat-" Clare interjected, stoping me from completing my sentence.

"It's ok Eli, let him stay."

I widened my eyes in annoyance, and as if on cue Alli and Dallas walked in. Clare stood up running to Alli, and they both began hugging, and squealing. They pulled apart, and both sat down. "Alli! I'm so happy to see you, how have you been?"

Dallas sat down between Alli and Drew, and she gave him a death glare. "Great until I ran into my boyfriend over here, he didn't even tell me he was coming to meet Drew here. Can you believe that Clare?"

Dallas coughed interrupting, "I'm right here you know, and you didn't tell me you were coming here either."

Alli rolled her eyes, turning her attention back to Clare. "So anyways, onto more important things, what is going on in the world of Clare Edwards." Clare looked at me smiling, and then back to Alli. "God don't tell me you got married Clare."

Drew's eyes widened, "Yeah Clare, don't tell us that."

I looked at Drew furrowing my eye brows together. "Excuse me?"

Clare coughed to get everyone's attention again. We all turned to look at her, "We aren't married, or getting married everyone, we have a different kind of news."

Alli hit the table with her hand starling Dallas, "Spit it out Clare."

Clare reached her hand across the table to grab mine, "We're pregnant again." Everyone's face dropped, even Dallas's.

Drew smiled at Clare, as he stood up. "Congrats Clare, I wish you and Eli all the best. I have to get going, my mom needs help moving some stuff." Drew exited the Dot quickly, causing Dallas to follow after him. I could see behind his smile, Drew was really affected by the news, and it secretly gave me immense satisfaction.

Alli blankly stared at Clare and I, unphased by Dallas and Drew's exit, "I don't know what to say, Clare baby, was this a planned?" Alli then stared at me accusingly.

Alli and I never got along too well, but I felt I needed to say something for Clare's sake. "This wasn't planned Alli, but we are very happy about this. You should know better than anyone how hard it was on Clare to lose our baby, this is a great thing. It was out of the blue, but we wouldn't change a thing. I hope you're happy for us, because Clare is going to need you to help keep herself stress free so that this pregnancy goes well."

Alli's eye's widened. "Goes well? That's what I was scared of, what's wrong with the baby?"

Clare grabbed Alli's hand. "Actually nothing, but we just want to keep it that way. I know you're worried about me, but this is a good thing. I just know it is, and I want you to supports Eli and I. Please? Don't worry about me, just support me, like you always do."

Alli took a minute, but finally smiled, "Well, who doesn't love a baby out of the blue?"


	8. Chapter 8

"I hate you, you literally make me want to vomit. I don't understand how anyone in the world could stand to be around you. Yet, she loves you. I will never match up to you, she will always choose you, yet I still hope. I hope that one day, she'll see you the way I do. A big disappointment, full of excuses."

Drew was calm, but his eyes were intensely fixated on me. I didn't want to hear his bullshit, I didn't even want to be near him. This was all because Clare wanted me to bond with her friends while she was on bed rest, and I couldn't tell her no because she had to stay stress free. Dallas was playing a hockey tournament with some of his old hockey teammates from high school, and Clare begged me to take Alli and Drew. I convinced myself I could bare through the agony for Clare, but when the day came Alli ironically found another ride. That left me alone with him, the guy I hated more than anything. Drew Torres. We both stayed silent the first hour and half of our dreaded road trip, which I didn't mind, but the silence came to an end when we got a flat tire in the middle of no where.

I furrowed my eye brows together, keeping my eyes on the dirt road in front of us. "We have a flat tire, in the middle of no where...and you think the appropriate action to take is expressing your hatred for me? You really are an idiot Drew."

Drew lightly chuckled, shaking his head. "You see, that's what I mean. You're so cold, why does someone like you deserve her?"

I finally looked his way, actually making eye contact with him. "I don't deserve her, I never will." Drew's eyes searched mine for some sort of understanding. "What I mean is, no one could ever really deserve someone like her. I just do my best to make her happy, and I thank God that I'm lucky enough to get the opportunity to try."

Drew's eyes narrowed, and he shifted his body so that he was completely facing me. "No screw that, I call bullshit Eli. You try, and you always fail. I never let Clare down, I was always there for her. I could make her happy, I could if she would just see through you, for once. All I need is a chance."

I looked back at the road, letting his words sink in. "You probably could Drew, I saw the way you were with her...and as much as it kills me to admit, I know she'd be better off with you. I always screw up." The blatant sadness in my voice shocked me, as well as Drew.

His eyes widened in confusion, and gratification. "Then why, why don't you let her be happy with me. The guy who's there, the guy who shows up. Eli make me understand." I stayed silent, asking myself the same question. When I didn't have an answer, I swung my door open, determined to get back on the road. I pulled my spare out, along with the jack, and Drew was by my side in an instant. "Eli you don't know how to do this. Do you?" He questioned.

I scoffed, "Of course I do."

He rolled his eyes, "Alright, then change the tire." I attacked the situation with determination, and after 30 minutes I had gotten as far as lifting the car with the jack. After that I was quite stumped, and Drew could see it. "Eli let me do it, or we'll be here all night."

I got off the ground, and childishly kicked my car. His eyes widened, but I didn't know what else to do, I just hated him for being everything I wasn't, everything I could never be. "God damn you." My words came out quiet and shaky, despite my growing anger.

Drew's face slightly dropped in pity, "Look man I'm sorry, I just want to get out of here. It's just a stupid tire, don't make it such a big deal. Don't feel bad."

I kicked the car again, feeling a little embarrassed for doing it twice. "It's not the tire, it's you. You don't know what you did to me, do you?" I stayed silent, but he had no response. "Exactly. You took her from me Drew, you tore her away from me like it was nothing, and all while I was too far away to fight for her."

Drew took a step forward, "It wasn't like that."

I took a step closer as well, and we were now only inches apart. Looking into his eyes, I finally let my anger boil out. "No. Shut the fuck up, you disgusting human being. You hate me so much, well fuck you. I hate you a million times more! It was _**exactly**_ like that, you took advantage of the situation, and you ruined my life. You had your shot with Bianca, and you messed it up all on your own. Why did you have to go after my soulmate? She chose you, for a brief second she chose you because I wasn't around, and I hate you for it. I hate you because I know that if you hadn't walked away, she would have been happy with you. I just, I hate you." I couldn't believe I was standing in front of this guy, almost in tears, but I had to let it out. I had to let him know what he did. He just kept staring at me, with pity in his eyes and it only made me hate him more. "You asked me why I couldn't just let her be happy with you, and it's because I'm selfish. I can't live without her Drew, you made me suffer through that before, and I won't do it again. Unless she says the words, I will not willingly give her away." Drew got on the ground, and began to change the tire.

I was going to question him for ignoring me, but I just got back in the car and began banging my head on the wheel in embarrassment. After a few minutes the passenger door opened, and Drew sat down. I started the car, ready to take off and forget the whole situation, when he stopped me. "Hold on, before we go, I have something to say." I took my hands off the wheel, dreading hearing what he had to say. "I'm sorry."

I turned my head to face him in shock. "You're what?"

Drew scratched his head awkwardly. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm sorry for what I did to you. I can't say I'll ever be sorry for me and Clare, and quite frankly I regret ever walking away from her, but I am sorry you were hurt. Guy to guy, I know I broke some kind of code. She's just something else, and I can't get her out of my head. I know that you're having a baby with her, again, but I don't care. I love her." I furrowed my eye brows, confused at what he was trying to get at. He lightly chuckled, "I know I'm confusing you, but what I mean is that I love her, and just because she loves you and not me, doesn't change that. You hate me because I'm better for her, and I hate you because even though I am better for her, she still wants you. I guess this is a long winded way of me trying to say that even though we hate each other, we are bonded by our love for her."

I slowly nodded, still not sure if I was following him completely. "So what are you saying?"

Drew rolled his eyes, "I'm just saying that for that reason only, we should try and be civil. For her, I can sit through a hockey game with you, and not kill you. Can you do the same?"

I turned the car on, and began to drive. "I'd do anything for her."

Drew nodded, "This doesn't mean that I'm ever going to give up Eli."

I bit my cheek, "I know."


	9. Chapter 9

The night had gone relatively well, which in short terms meant Drew and I didn't really speak, at least not until we arrived back to his house. I waited for him to get out of my car, but he sat there in silence. "Drew, we're at your house." He continued to not say anything, and began to fidget with a ring on his finger, that looked vaguely familiar. "I would really like to get home to check on Clare." I further informed him.

He slowly turned his head towards me, with glossy eyes. "Was it hard?"

I was taken back by his question, causing me to turn the radio off. "Excuse me?"

To no surprise Drew smiled, but he still had a seriousness in his eyes I hadn't often seen before. "It's stupid, I was just thinking about my brother. This ring on my finger, it was his, well it was hers. Its engraved Gracie on the inside, it really doesn't fit so I wear it on my pinky finger." Drew kept staring down at his finger, twisting the ring around. "I don't really know why he wore it, even until the end. I know that it was important to him though."

A lump formed in my throat thinking about him, my best friend, Adam Torres. I cleared my throat before speaking, trying to be as kind as I could. As much as I didn't like Drew, Adam was his brother. "I'm sorry, but I don't follow what you're trying to say."

Drew looked back up to face me, his eyes now clear of any tears. "Losing your child, _your_ Adam, that was hard. Wasn't it?"

My heart paused for a moment, and I simply nodded. "The hardest thing ever."

"Was losing my brother hard too?" Drew croaked.

My eyes began to water, and I nodded. "Of course. Almost just as hard." I barley choked out. "Why are you asking me this Drew?"

"I did a rotten thing." He whispered. "Can you wait here, for like one minute. Please?"

I didn't respond, and I suppose Drew took that as a yes. He ran inside, leaving me confused. After a few minutes he came back out, walking around to my car window. I rolled it down, raising my eye brows. "What are you doing?"

Drew handed me a box, with ELI & CLARE written on the top. I slowly took it, looking up at Drew more confused than ever. His eyes became glossy, and a tear finally fell from his eye. "I found this in Adam's room, around the time I began to fall for Clare. I had been rummaging through his room, looking for anything to make his memory stay fresh in my mind, when I found his journal. I should have given these to both you and Clare a long time ago, but I let my jealousy keep me from doing what my brother would have wanted. He wrote a lot to himself, family, friends, and especially you and Clare. I think it was therapeutic for him, especially when he was still struggling with finding acceptance at Degrassi when we first moved to Toronto. This box has all the letters he ever wrote about you and Clare, and I'm sorry I waited so long. You're not completely terrible, at least you weren't to Adam, and that's the important thing."

I kept my eyes on the box, frozen in so many different emotions. I don't know how long it was that I just stared at it, but when I looked back up Drew was gone, and I had a few messages from Clare asking where I was. I wiped a tear from my face, and began to drive. The box was heavy on my mind, but I didn't want to open it until I was home. When I pulled into my parking spot, I didn't hesitate to open it. There were tons of papers piled into an unorganized mess. It figured Drew would throw them in that way. As I pulled out the first paper my heart began racing, and I was nervous to read the words Adam had written, afraid to know his real thoughts of me. After the first sentence though, I felt a calmness come over me. The sense of familiarity, and happiness I felt was indescribable. It was like having him back, if only for a few minor moments.

 _July 6th 2012_

 _"Clare totally ditched Eli tonight to_ _Work on that dumb internship with Asher, but I was secretly glad. Even though the bastard ignored me all night checking his phone, waiting for her to text. Eli and I have found it harder to make time for each other, so tonight was a good night. Love that guy."_

I pulled out the next paper, and as I began to read it that happy feeling began to escape me _._

 _April 22nd 2011_

 _"I don't have friends. No one knows me, and no one cares to. I'm a failure at everything. I tried to kill myself tonight, but I couldn't even do that right. I'm a pathetic freak. The only two people who even think they know me, don't. If only they knew that I'm_ _Gracie, just crazy Gracie. The freak.""_

I couldn't finish reading the rest of that one, I had to put it away. Knowing he was hurt so much during that time, pained me.

 _June 10th 2011_

 _"I told Eli and Clare the truth, and what I thought would be a disaster turned into the opposite. Eli's exact words were, "cool." I'm starting to understand that maybe, not everyone is so bad...and if they are, then everyone besides them. My best friends. They've given me hope, that I could live as Adam in peace one day."_

After reading through a few more light hearted ones, that brought back good memories, I came across one the sent shivers down my spine, one the I had to read to Clare.

"Are you awake, blue eyes?"

I turned the light switch on, and Clare was sitting in bed with a frown on her face. "I couldn't sleep, I was anxious to hear about the hockey game. Where have you been? I called, several times. Did things go badly? Did you and Drew fight?"

I walked over to Clare, with the box between both of my hands. As I sat down on the bed, her eyes slightly widened as the box caught her attention. "Eli and Clare?"

I smiled, "This is a gift Clare, from Adam."

She looked back up at me, waiting for me to explain. I almost took the opportunity to use the situation to make Drew look bad, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. "Drew found these journal entries yesterday in Adam's room, he took out all of the ones about us and put them in this box for us. I found a really special one, would you like me to read it to you?"

Clare nodded with watery eyes, "Of course Eli. Please."

I cleared my throat, gathering the strength to read Adam's last letter. The letter he wrote a few days before his death.

 _August 11th 2013_

 _"I am Adam Torres. I know that, without a doubt in my mind. There's a reason that I know that, that I'm so complete in the ways that really matter. Well there are two, two really good reasons. Clare and Eli. When's the last time I've written about them? It's been a while, and that's a shame. Clare's been on my mind a lot today, her cancer scares me, but I won't tell her that. I'm scared that I'll lose her, both of them really. I need them, and I don't know how to say it. How do you tell two people that have changed your life forever, that you need them without sounding like a needy dufus? I don't know. I just want Clare to be ok, and I want Eli to still want to have guys night, and listen to my problems about Becky. Especially my Becky problems, even after he and Clare have their first child & name him after me. All jokes aside though, I should tell them right? I should tell them that I love them, and that I always will. Someday, I will. In fact forget that. This is now a wedding present. Eli and Clare, if you're reading this I love you guys a fuck ton, and I'm not surprised at all that you're actually reading this. Of course you guys got married, I never doubted you would! Thank you two for everything. Seriously. Here's my ring, the one you always said was Gay Eli :| . Haha. Seriously though. It's a symbol of choosing to be what you want to be, without losing the core of who you are. It's for your first kid, cause I predict you'll have one of those too. Don't forget to name him Adam, I am going to be the Hod Father after all. Anyways, the three stooges forever. Right? Thank you guys for teaching me, It's ok to be who I am. No matter what anyone else says. I'll have to remind myself to tell you guys thanks again in person tomorrow."_

I looked up from the letter with tears streaming down my face, and Clare was crying as well. "Eli. Oh my God. It's like he knew, but how could he? It's, it's a-"

"A gift." I breathed. "We are so lucky to have this Clare."

She crawled into my lap, wrapping her arms around me as she sobbed into my chest. "I hope he knew we loved him just the same."

I rubbed her back, "He did Clare, it's all in these letters. Our whole friendship. He knew baby, he knew."

I felt Clare's body stiffen, as she lifted her head to look up at me. "Adam said there was a ring."

I smoothed her hair back, kissing her forehead. "It's taped underneath the box."

Clare grabbed the box turning it over, and pulling the ring free from the tape. She slipped it on her ring finger, "Its a prefect fit." She whimpered.

I grabbed her hand, kissing her finger. "And one day our baby will wear it, just like Adam wanted."

Clare briefly kissed me, pulling away with tears still in her eyes. "Eli, we're actually having a baby."

I laughed, wiping a tear from my cheek. "I know Clare. Where have you been?"

She smiled "In denial, but not anymore. Even from the grave, he's pushing me to embrace the good things in my life. I'm going to embrace this."

 **I miss Adam. That was my sole basis for writing this chapter, and I also wanted to point out how much Drew and Eli really have in common. A special shot out to anon, I heart you. (:**


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